Porn is love you can see.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
