so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm both gender and math confused
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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