check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
