shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
