She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got inside last night via doggy door
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
