did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
