if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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