I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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