where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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