life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
