Your mouth is God's brothel.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
