he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
