I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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