There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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