The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
