this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
