I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
