Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
