I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
