either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
