How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
