You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
