You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
