God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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