just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
