I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
