remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
