My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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