I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
