theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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