do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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