I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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