so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
