So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
