At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
