If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
