Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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