Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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