i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
