I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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