his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
