He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
