K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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