im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
