Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
