im drinking this country out of the recession.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
