u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
