i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
