he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
