Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
