hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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